Marching Away From My 25th March

March, the month I love the most. The reason is quite simple, it’s the month that my mother gave birth to me. It’s the month I feel at home. It’s the month that made me cry a lot. It’s the month that made me who I am. It is also the month I reborn. It’s the month of spring.

I turned 25 this year on March 18th. Since I was a kid, I have never dreamt of my future self. Strangely…? Nope. Naturally… Given what life put me through, I didn’t have time to dream about being an actual adult which always feels so numb.

I have lived for 25 years. When that thought struck, I felt a bit uneasy. No. I wasn’t worried that I didn’t get settled or married. I am the kind of person who thinks 25 is too young. It is also a perfect time to be clueless, confused, chaotic and enlightened. We can be anything we want… The reason I felt a bit uneasy is because of my indifference to future that sway me from the present at times.

If you have listened to my podcast, you could have known that I have a diary where I started writing the things that I wanted to do before it was too late. And my 25th March allowed me to do a few of the things I listed.

I didn’t celebrate with my friends. But I get to celebrate with colleagues. A new experience. I got a present from someone other than my parents after years. It felt good. I treated my colleagues. I bought food from my first month’s salary for my fellow humans who live in the streets, which is my desperate dream since I was a kid. I ended the day with my mother, brother and I laughing, talking and having dinner in the moonlight. These are going to be just the beginning.

Sometimes life feels empty. It still does to me often. But I realised that things I dreamt of doing, things I always wanted are unwinding before me slowly… I feel hopeful. It comforts me. If you are a person like me who gets jealous of those eagles circling the sky or the red flowers that wither in a day or the snow that melts by the warmth of the sun without complaining… I could probably get how you must be feeling while living this life. But I still believe you will find what you seek eventually. It even removes all those weeds from your life. The thing is it takes time and also your actions are the catalyst, so don’t forget that.

I have been experiencing new things sometimes that give this little spark that makes me rejoice, that makes me feel glad that I am alive. I have felt for the first time how it feels to be an employee, how it feels to be a part of a team, how it feels to do work, how it feels to observe people living, how it feels to witness the life of different people, how it feels to not live according to your liking, how it feels to see your words end up becoming useless, how it feels to see life being unfair, how it feels to witness the exhaustion that human face, how money became motive. And I also figured out that I am still not getting motivated by money.

Afterall… Some people name this mentality immaturity. But… Who cares? I am 25 and I no longer care about what others think of me anymore. I don’t care about what the world expects from me. And I am planning to chase my wildest dreams when I step away from my 25th March. I am going to hold on to the momentum till the end of April and give colour to my dreams which I hid behind because of my insecurities. I am still 25… You are still 25… 35… Or 45… And it’s always still. I have no idea what I will be doing in two months. I got a list of plans in hand knowing that there are chances it won’t work out. But I am sure I am capable of making most of them true.

I know I will be getting terrible backlashes. We got one life, it may be pre-designed. But we can choose how we can live right from this moment. So that we close our eyes without regret. I believe we have power over our life at least to some extent. I always want to do a lot of good things and try a lot of good things. As much as possible within the time I am given.