For a long time, I lived under the weight of a sentence that said I wouldn’t make it past my nineteenth birthday. Yet here I am. Two weeks ago on March 18th I crossed into twenty nine.

This milestone feels less like a simple birthday to any one around me. For me and my family it’s more like a victory lap I was never supposed to run. The “Baton” is finally being passed from the girl who just wanted to survive to the woman who is ready to sprint.

The Quicksand of Ambition

This past year was a brutal teacher. I found myself dragged back to a rock bottom that felt physical, spiritual, and mental. I started listening to my brain more and my heart less while making career decisions. I let ambition become a kind of quicksand and pushed me to burnout.

My heart became a rat trap because I trusted too easily and gave my authentic self to those who only wanted to manipulate it.

“Not everyone deserves to hear your full story because not everyone cares. Some just want to use it to pull you down.”

The Bhutan Pivot: Silent Growth

After nine months of being trampled by expectations I went to Bhutan. In that stillness I found myself again. I decided to change how I move through the world. I still give my best. I still make people feel seen and heard. I still laugh and make others laugh. But now once the day is done I go home and let myself loose.

• The Rule: Live without regret. Give your best at work then go home to your peace. Be good, be human, be you.
• The Shift: From a people pleaser to someone who grows in silence.
• The Boundary: No more wearing my heart on my sleeve in the wasteland.

Healing and Small Joys

After the heartbreak of losing Pearly last year a new boy pup – Luffy, came into our lives. He is the reason I look forward to waking up every morning. He has made me calmer.

Apart from that, I am still the girl who runs for friends who are busy in their own bubbles.

I have quit hiding myself crying in cafe’s and bathrooms. I have quit crying for people who are cotton candies and passing clouds. I have started taking care of myself first. I am learning day by day to stop giving a damn about what others think about me.

And I also have a four legged friend who is helping me to barely survive at work everyday and reminding me what is to be a real friend feels like… It’s just to be there. Nothing more, nothing less.

Struck From the Bucket List

Despite the chaos I made sure to live. This year was a whirlwind of new memories and striking things off the list:

• Saw fireflies for the first time and summoned the rain on my birthday.
• Went to Bhutan
• Went for Solo Camping trip to Jawadhu Hill and Yelagiri
• Went for cycling with a friend
• Relaxed in himalayan river bank
• Did River Rafting and Kayaking
• Experienced minus degree without dying.

Still finding sanctuary in Kurraku and still holding on to the constant love for Ravioli.

Slaying new style while saying a firm no to polyesters as much as possible. Fell in love for new animes – Demon Slayer and Black Clover. Still that emotional kid who hates cruelty. Partially an adult who can finally take care of herself.

Running Toward Thirty

I still rage against unfairness. I still go over mountains for my family and friends. Still dgaf to a capitalistic society, even though I have to be a Roman when I am in Rome.

I still get high while looking at moon and listening to the music. I am getting better at analytical thinking and breaking all the past traumas that once felt permanent. I have realized that no one care about me more than myself and my family.

As I look toward my thirties I am walking with a healthy dose of curiosity and an unhealthy dose of anxiety. The world might label me as “behind” their standard but I am happy. That is more than enough.

Shout out to the 29yo me. Who is taking the baton from my past self and sprinting and creating a path that I deserve… The best path that anything out there.