How do significant life events or the passage of time influence your perspective on life?

We are the sum of all the people we met since our birth, all the things we have seen, all the food we ate, all the books we read and most importantly all the experiences we had.

Feeling Out of Place: How I Struggled With Fitting In

From my childhood, despite having parents and siblings who loved me I found myself not fit in this world. I have allowed people to define who I am most of the time but I am always unclear what I am to me.

Children of my age pushed me away. Even if I think now, I couldn’t comprehend why. Did they hate me because I am different, different in physical standards like skin tone, cute face and physique, different in preference or different in the way I lived? Eventually, I got caught up in the thought of not suitable for the time and place wherever I was put. I don’t know how to laugh and smile. Because kids are cruel those days. They say you look ugly when you smile and if you have a weak heart that worries about how others feel about you more, you’d eventually stop smiling and forget how to do it.

Naturally, I never wanted to become an adult, never curious about what lies ahead. I know I won’t be loved. I won’t be accepted.

But then, my first life-altering change occurred, when my dogs came into my life. I realised that there are beings other than humans out there who are capable of loving me and treating me like I am worthy of living on the planet. Believe it or not, almost until I was 19 years old, I was very good at communicating with Animals compared to fellow humans.

“How to talk to Anyone?” by Leil Lowndes helped me alot in learning how to talk to people.

But still, even after that, I was not finding it comfortable. I was uncomfortable with myself. I always felt like my soul was trapped in my body and I always wanted to escape. And my body has realised this from the beginning.

That is why I feel like back then I was the one who gets sick often in my family. I am the one who always gets an illness that is not common. I was the one who was rushed to the Emergency ward. Half of my life went with me eating tablets, explaining my symptoms to the doctor, getting punctured with injections…

But then, I felt like my body had enough of my soul and vice versa. And that is when it happened. It was the time when my family was also in a phase of chaos and I started to slowly wither away. I was developing some symptoms. Pain that was tearing me from inside day by day. Even before diagnosing Abdominal TB it almost killed me and ate me up.

Finding Myself: How I Embraced My Life & Learned to Love

That was the life-altering event in my life that altered my perception of myself and my entire existence. Of course, even I am unclear about a lot of things about life. But I have hope. I realised whatever it may be. I should live without regrets. So next time, when death comes and knocks on my door, I should happily grab his hands. Not the way I felt when the Grim Reaper came to take me last time.

Now, my body and soul still repel each other often too. But, they are finding a space for themselves and started to accept things as they are. They pull tantrums still they have accepted that there is still hope for them to become one.

I realised the value of my life because I realised there is so much in this life to experience. I don’t want to survive. Instead, I want to live now… Every moment.

Now, I learnt how to laugh and smile. I learnt its not always about fitting in. I learnt to love myself and treasure myself. I find a way for happiness in everything I see. My hope arises from Mother Earth and her offerings. Things were as they are, world and people are still the same, but how I perceive this world has changed and keeps on changing inch by inch after that life-altering experience.